I am 49 year old father of three and husband of one (for life)

Monday, June 13, 2005

The Clergy family plus one returned from vacation yesterday. Overall, we had a good time and even had money left over- is that possible? On the way home we stopped in Atlanta for the night. Mrs. CC's cell phone rang about midnight. It was her middle brother (she has three) calling to tell us that brother #1 had died as a result of a massive heart attack at age 52.

We are leaving for the Great White North tomorrow morning for the funeral. The family has asked me to preside, to which I agreed. Now what? What am I gonna say? How am I gonna say it? Do I talk about all the "dirt", too? I had been around this guy only a little, but he really led a tormented life which included many stints in and out of rehab (he died sober). He served in prison for two years or so and, I mean, there's all kinds of other crazy stuff to talk about from my brother-in-law's life but, what do I talk about and, more important, what do I leave out? I have this strange sense that, since my b-in-law had such a struggle with life that his death is more of a relief and something that the family has been "prepared" for this for some time.

As for the funeral, I must realize that I am there do three things:

1. Proclaim the gospel
2. Remember the life of and hope for the dead
3. Comfort and hope for the family

My kids will be there and haven't heard me "do" a funeral before. I'm sure they'll have some questions.

I'm really having some doubts (too strong a word) about my life in the ministry. I'm not sure what's behind it, but I heard that a key senior position in the company has come open and I'm thinking of checking into it. Certainly, there are many unanswered questions at this point, but perhaps a series of reverberations might result if I threw my name in the hat and were selected for the position.

1. Pay raise and more responsibility

Good...Mrs. CC wouldn't have to go back to work when I leave my corporate job to go to seminary in five years. This also may enable us to move into a bigger house (not a keeping- up- with- the- Joneses new house) just one with more room and few extras (office for me, basement, etc.).
Bad... I would have to forego other employment (i.e. church work). No more seminary (I love going to seminary). Working for "the man" and therefore, losing my "Wild at Heart" dream of ordained ministry (those don't seem to go together, do they?).

I guess the best thing to me to do at this point is ask some questions, pray and listen. I'm just going to do what's ahead of me for today and I'll not make any decisions about careers until things have settled down a bit and I've had a chance to talk to some people I trust and know me pretty well.

Gotta Run-
Cappy

2 comments:

Theresa Coleman said...

Of course, I am posting this WAY LATE, but my thoughts and prayers have been with you. I download my bloglines and then I'm off line when I want to make comments. Anyway,

Make the decisions carefully and slowly. I love seminary, too and have decided to stick it out -- but slowly. My three year degree is going to take six years because I have a "real job." Part time is not optimal, but it can be done.

Let us know what you decide....

steve said...

rev. mommy-

Thanks for your prayers. We shall see how this all shakes out.

CC